Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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