Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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