Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
