Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
