I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
