i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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