absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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