but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
