No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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