it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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