So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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