forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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