Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
