do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
