so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
