i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
