When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
