Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
