Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
