I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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