Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
