i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
