I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
