Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
