We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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