Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
