used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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