dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
