I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
