i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
