This gyro tastes like lonliness
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So much Jack, so little girl.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
