Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
