Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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