Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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