i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
