Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
