So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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