do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My vagina is officially offended.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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