I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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