I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
