Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
