we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
