If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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