u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
