I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
