actually, I'm a sock model
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
