Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
