Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
