Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
