Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
