If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
